When I left Toronto, I was in a bit of a state. I had been in a volatile relationship that had worsened considerably over the last two years. My ex had become violent and self distructive, trying to bring me down with him. The only thing that kept me alive was going into a shell and not responding to his behavior. Especially verbally, that sure as hell would have led to disaster.
I think we went thru three microwaves in one month. He literally swept them off the counter in one of his rages. He broke marble coffee tables, pictures, cell phones, clocks, basically whatever he got his hands on at the moment. Never the television though, which led me to believe there was some thought process going on. (He liked his television)
His yelling and ranting was the worst. It didn't matter what time of day or night it was.
After I left, the slightest noise would make me jump. I think, I'm not psychologist, that I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder. I have never had anyone treat me for it, so I have just muddled along as best as I could.
I'm not jumpy anymore, I'm not as afraid as I used to be.
Tonite I was out walking Rosey and when we came home, I realized the sweetest sound.
The Sound of Silence
Life is good
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8 comments:
Good for you for getting out! I hope there is some kind of Canadian court order that keeps him away from you - and more hopefully from everyone else, too.
On a happier note though I will join your "I appreciate silence" support group. If I have the house to myself, no tv is on and rarely the stereo. I love to sit in silence and think.
the usual signs of PTSD are flashbacks, triggers, startles, nightmares and numbness. If you don't have'em then you escaped PTSD, although anyone living with a man you portray probably would have it at some point.
Hi Lemuel, I didn't go that route. It would just upset him even more. I live under another name for my own safety.
I too love the silence, but I used to love music very much and hope to one day again soon.
Take Care
Hi Spo, I did have all the above for about a year but with medication and good people around me, they have gone away.
The numbness was the hardest.
I feel for you Darlin'. Them ex's is the worst... I'm glad you got out in time.
Huggs, etc...
My X was like that too. I know the peace that overcomes you when you have broken free. It's like being given life again. I still get scared though and he has been gone from my world for six or so years. I never want to see that look of rage in anyone ever again either. It is what I later deemed the look of murder.
I'm glad you were able to be free completely of him. That is no way to live for you or him. Life is too short!
I'm glad that you're in a better place now! :)
Hello Bunny darlin, thank you so much. Just so ya know.....you bring a smile to my face every
time I read your blog..
Hi BG, You too!!!! I'll never forget that look either. Like a madman. I'm so glsd to hear that you escaped as well. Hugs!!
Hi Tiger, you are are true doll, thank you!
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